Running in Flip-Flops

My biggest fear when I was growing up living in the shadow of the massive metropolis that loomed over my little family's homestead was that in the time of chimpanzees I qualified not as cercopithecoid but as a lowly troglodyte. My fears were confirmed when a travelling circus's elephants lumbered past our home and crushed my favorite barn cat under its massive pads. The circus hands, not wanting to let good meat go to waste, scooped up the carcass and, assumedly, cooked it on a spit that night.